Life Code

I was working out in the gym today with a buddy and were were having fun making up some pseudo code for live. It obviously doesn't cover all the variables, but you get the idea.

<%
On Session Start Call LifeCode

SUB LifeCode
 dim dbConn, strSQL, rs

 Set dbConn = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
 dbConn.open "PROVIDER=SQLOLEDB;DATA SOURCE=YourLife;UID=YourName;PWD=YourName!;DATABASE=YourLife"

 strSQL = "SELECT *, SUM(col_Money) as NetWorth from tab_Life GROUP BY col_Money WHERE col_DateToday = "&DATE()&""
 set rs = dbConn.Execute(strSQL)

 'run below code every day
 If Not rs.EOF Then
  If rs("NetWorth") > "2000000" then 
   response.write("Congrats! Stop working and go enjoy yourself!")
  Else
   If INT(DATE() - rs("col_DateOfBirth")/365) >= 65 then
    response.write("Collect Social Security live in a trailer with cats.")
   Else
    response.write("Get your lazy ass out of bed and go to work.")
   End If
  End If
 Else
  response.write("You're Dead")
 End If
End Sub
%>